Perfect Insanity
by CheshireEffect
Summary: Matt hated Mello…and himself. He was broken and without Mello there to guide him he slipped away into Perfect Insanity. Sequel to Three Little Words. Co-authored between CatatonicVanity and CheshireEffect. Rated M for mature content, blood, and character death.


**Title:** Perfect Insanity

**Summary:** Matt hated Mello…and himself. He was broken and without Mello there to guide him he slipped away into Perfect Insanity. Sequel to _Three Little Words_.

**Disclaimer:** Neither CV or Cheshire own Death Note.

**By:** CatatonicVanity and CheshireEffect.

**Rated:** M for mature content, blood play and character death.

…

Mello strode into hisapartment, drawing his concealed gun and letting it clatter to the table beside the door. He continued into the living room, glad to be home after so many weeks gone. Fuck, he hated negotiations with Russians. What was supposed to be a week had taken five, plus several firefights and men lost.

Mello looked around the living room, shocked at the silence. He wondered what had happened to his... hn. What was Matt? A captive, perhaps, a friend, though Mello would never admit it. Fuck, he hated the goofy redhead with every fiber of his being, but at Wammy's the boy was undeniably his friend. And Mello knew the redhead hated him, though that was newly acquired. Perhaps it was a side effect of abandonment. Yes, that was what the blonde chose to believe. The rage drunk state that had led him to rape the boy disgusted him, though he was good at hiding it.

He looked over the back of the couch, which was covered in dried blood. Matt was curled up on the other end, playing a handheld. His hair fell across his face, though his goggles were slung around his neck. His fingers moved with practiced speed, though his entire body was shaking, like a vibrating phone. Mello narrowed his eyes and reached down, pulling Matt's body around to look at him.

A gasp escaped his throat as he jerked his hand away and stumbled back several steps. Matt looked up at him with that manic grin plastered in place, though Mello doubted it would leave, carved into his face as it was. The edges of the wounds were covered with congealed blood that the gamer had evidently been too lazy to clean. The phrase 'smiling from ear to ear' came to Mello's mind as he stared.

Matt had taken a knife and cut into his cheeks, carving a slight upwards smile all the way to his cheekbones on both sides.

"What the fuck?!" he shrieked, looking to Matt's hands with expectancy for the redhead to sign at him what he'd done. But the blood covered lips parted and a raspy, gravely laugh escaped.

"It hurt after a while," Matt said in a rough voice, like rocks being dragged over one another. "Smiling. It hurt. So now, when the initial pain fades, I can smile forever. I can smile and laugh without it hurting and know that I, number three, surpassed and went behind the great Mello."

"But... How...?" Mello stammered eyes wide. Matt took a cigarette from a pack in his pocket, lit it and took a deep drag before falling into a fit of giggles. Tears streamed down his cheeks after a while, signs of his hysteria. Mello leaned in and saw Matt's pupils, mere pinpricks.

"You bribed a doctor using _my _money to tamper with my vocal cords. Did you know the mafia doctor likes redheads? I didn't either. But my 'whoring' as you so eloquently put it paid for him to attempt fixing them while you were off, gallivanting in Russia. What's wrong, Mihael? If you didn't want the dog to bite back, you should have made it impossible. You should have taken the vocal cords out completely.

"And then, when I could talk again, I laughed. I laughed for so long and smiled and giggled and it started to hurt." Matt stepped up to the blonde, pressing his fingers to Mello's cheeks gently. "Right in there, it started to hurt. And then I was getting food, and I saw the knife and realized that I could smile forever.

"Funny too, the doctor gives me new special cigarettes now. It's amazing what giving someone head can do, eh?"

"Matt, what is in those cigarettes?" Mello breathed. The redhead before him was crazy. Or high. In fact, he was probably both.

"Hm? Oh these?" he drawled, holding out the smoking cancer stick lazily. "They're infused with lithium." The words were slurred now, punctuated with giggles and coughs. Matt was breathing hard, swaying slightly on his feet and he was too pale. It was as though standing up straight was a tremendous effort for him.

Then he produced a knife, holding it lazily by his side. He heaved a deep sigh before taking another drag, smiling slightly as the intoxicating effects of the drug wound through his brain. Mello took a step back defensively, eyeing the knife and watching Matt for any signs he would lunge.

"Oh don't worry Mellsy. I'm not gonna kill you. That would take away all the fun I'm having." He turned the knife so he was gripping it by the handle, the cold blade pressed against his wrist. Then he extended his arm, offering the weapon to the blonde. He took another hit from the cigarette dangling between his lips, and then put it out against the flesh of his palm without so much as a wince. Mello held his hand out for the knife, eager to get it away from his cohort. The wooden handle dropped into his palm and he wrapped his fingers around it anxiously, looking up uncertainly at Matt. The redhead stepped even closer, forcing Mello to drop the blade by his side while Matt pressed their chests together and leaned in, as though for a kiss.

"What do you want me to do with the knife?" Mello asked softly, his chocolate breath ghosting across Matt's face. The redhead closed his eyes and inhaled the scent before peeling his eyelids back and looking deep into Mello's eyes. The blonde grit his teeth as he stared into the green he was so used to seeing vibrant and lively, now dull and clouded by drugs.

"Kill me," Matt answered eventually, making Mello's eyes widen. "I can see it in those pretty eyes of yours. You want to. You want to kill me, but you don't have what it takes. You aren't strong enough to kill me." Mello felt anger bubble in his chest at the words.

"What the hell gave you that impression?" Mello growled. Matt just chuckled, though to Mello it sounded like he was coughing.

"Because underneath all that bravado, you care. You wouldn't have kept me alive otherwise. And you care because you know, deep down, you didn't always hate me.

"In fact, I was your best and only friend. I was the one that took your blows in Near's place and listened to you bitch that he was an albino twat, when we both knew you'd never be better than him. I was the one that stayed up with you, studying even though I didn't need to. I went and got you food without you having to ask and I covered you up with a blanket when you fell asleep. I held you after you had nightmares about your daddy raping you and told you it wouldn't happen again.

"And when I came back to the room with black eyes and bruises I told you that it was bullies that were picking on me for being a loner and a gamer. But you know the truth? They beat me up because I started fights to keep them quiet. They talked about you, ya know. They called you a fag and blasphemous because of your hair and your rosary." Matt's fingers reached out and fondled the aforementioned items, combing through Mello's hair. "Yeah... They said those things and I started fights. Held my own too, all things considered. But you never knew that, did you? You don't know how much I did for you but you have an inkling, and you care about me. You won't kill me."

Mello swallowed the burning in his throat and held perfectly still while Matt pulled away and started circling him, toying with his hair occasionally and humming tunelessly. When he'd made a full circle, he swayed in front of the blonde, who instinctively grasped Matt's shoulder with his free hand. Matt blinked rapidly and swayed, looking up at Mello with clearing eyes. The green orbs narrowed and Matt leaned in, as though trying to focus.

"Matt?" Mello asked, only to have a thin finger pressed to his lips.

"Shh shh... Mail. My name is Mail. Do you have what it takes...? Mihael? Do you? For both of us..." Matt's eyes cleared a bit more and he closed his eyes tightly before opening them again. He reached for his cigarette pack and it all clicked in Mello's head. The lithium combined with what Mello had done drove Matt over the edge into perfect insanity. He reached out and pulled the pack out of Matt's pocket, as though to help, then tossed them away, drawing a whimper from Matt's throat. The green eyes turned back to Mello, but now they weren't taunting or mocking. They were pleading.

"Mail..." Mello breathed, gripping the knife tighter to still his hand.

"Please. Please kill me," Matt whispered, choking on his tears. He looked around as though he didn't know where he was and his shaking hands reached up and gripped Mello's shoulders to steady himself. He looked up with bright eyes, swimming in tears. "Please. Save me..."

Mello's resolve snapped at the words. Matt needed to be saved from himself and the insanity that gripped him.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured, plunging the knife into Matt's stomach. He gave the blade a sharp twist and pulled it out, knowing the redhead was saved from the pain because of the lithium. Matt choked and slumped forward, coughing wetly. Mello knelt and took the redhead with him, cradling him in his lap. Blood trickled from the side of Matt's shredded mouth, staining the paling skin.

"Thank... Thank you..." he gurgled, looking up at Mello.

Mello smoothed Matt's hair down and stared into his eyes, which were clear for the first time since Matt exclaimed his hate. The light faded from them slowly until he was limp in Mello's lap and the blood no longer gushed. The blonde stayed there for a while, staring down at the body. Then he lifted his hand and closed Matt's eyes, lifting his jaw shut. He pursed his lips and sighed, fishing the lighter out of Matt's pocket. Then he grabbed for the pack of laced cigarettes and lit one up, letting the nicotine and something much stronger wash through him. He lifted the bloody knife once more and blinked.

"Hm..." The knife began moving of its own accord, spilling more lithium blood across the floor as the blade of the knife bit into Mello's skin.

For the first time in a long time he let tears leave his eyes. He would think that with the hate between them he'd be glad that Matt was gone, that the redhead was no longer a problem for him. He felt the opposite, he felt empty and as lost as he'd been when he first left Wammy's.

What was he without his sad little follower? Matt was the abused dog that's had worshipped the ground he walked on and despite his former friend's hate he would miss him. So, he decided as he carved lines into his arms, why allow himself to miss the redhead? Despite it all he knew he couldn't live without the other and so why should he?

As he continued to wield the knife he pressed harder until lithium infused blood was flowing freely from his body. As his senses fading he looked down at Matt, wishing minutely that he hadn't closed the redhead's eyes so that he'd get one last glimpse of electric green before he faded away. He didn't get his wish as the blade clattered to the floor and he slumped beside the body of the boy he'd destroyed.

Reaching out in a last feeble effort to fix the irreparable damage he made Mello pulled Matt into his arms and closed his eyes.

…

**And that's the end. We love you guys and leave a review please.**


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